Burnt Wienie worthy: Lean, mean and spleenless

Nominee: David Sprick
Nominator: Elmer (Joe) Sprick
Year: 1974

Resolution

WHEREAS, on the second day of his vacation, David William Sprick did become involved in an altercation involving one bicycle and one large German shepherd-type dog;

AND WHEREAS, the circumstances resulted in his mother's hair turning from gray to white and the medical bills incurred were of such magnitude that they approximated purchase of the sixth floor of St. Mary's Hospital in Rochester, Minn., and new cabin cruisers for three doctors;

AND WHEREAS, David's impoverished father was required to take over menial household duties during the recovery period while affairs of state suffered;

AND WHEREAS, David's gift money in the sum of $30 was squandered on Steely Dan albums, McDonald's hamburgers and generally riotous living while cousin Alfie suffered the humiliation of one week in solitary confinement with bruised ribs;

AND WHEREAS, David's father, the plaintiff, was required to file a claim against kinsfolk who were graciously bedding and boarding said nominee during the time of the altercation;

NOW THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that the Waldesruh Corporation, a loosely knit, nonprofit organization, does hereby nominated David William Sprick for the Burnt Wienie Award of 1974.